I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
