i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
