i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
