You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
