I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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