just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
