I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
