she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
