Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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