my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
