There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
