yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's shark week go big or go home
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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