This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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The uberlube is also flammable
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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