I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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