you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
