worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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