Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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