wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish you could order shots online.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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