just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
