Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
