just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I FOUND THE LEGS
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
