I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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