we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
