She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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