I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
