I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
