And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
