i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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