i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
