I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What a dumb baby whore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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