So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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