Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
