I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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