see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
