You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
