I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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