Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
