I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
