Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
