also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
