your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
