Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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