So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
