Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
