Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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