then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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