I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
