I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
