You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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