Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
