My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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