my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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