i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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