and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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