You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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