Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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