Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
