After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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