A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Boobs are out for the taking
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
