What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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