they need to just BURY HIM!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
