Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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