Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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