the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize