Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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