I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
