i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
